“Well-behaved women rarely make history.”
That sums it up for me. I pride myself on being reasonable, but based on logic, not convention.
- I’m a female yet outspoken
- I’m transgender yet I’m a girl who likes girls.
- I’m free-market yet not a conservative
- I’m an atheist who sees the logic in being a good person
- I’ve worked as a wild girl (webcam model, escort and Dominatrix) but I’m a software engineer
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If you think BDSM is about the style elements, you’re missing the point but let’s focus on the good people who are deeply drawn to intense BDSM fantasies and crave to experience consensual role-play in real life.
I don’t have any formal counselor training but I DO have formal pro Domme training, and fact-based psychology intrigues me, and many of my friends are counselors. And, I DO have opinions.
You being drawn to BDSM doesn’t make you a bad person and it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. Ask me more if you like, privately.
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If you have an inkling that maybe you’re really a trans girl, I’m cheering you on. Maybe it’s OK for you to accept yourself too. There are MANY trans girls around. Many announce themselves via my email in-box, but in daily life, they hide in plain sight and are miserable. Humor and little hints help them keep the faith as to themselves. I used to do the same thing until I came out.
I keep a blog intended to help trans girls with their journey. It has several hundred article written over 5 years or so. Ask me for the link if you like. It’s free, you don’t have to register, etc.
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There’s much confusion as to being polyamorous. So, as an analogy: When DOS came out on the IBM PC, it was a single-application operating system. You could try to load a second program into memory space and then run the main program above that, but that was iffy. It was difficult to keep things separate and clean.
That is a good analogy for a monogamous person. They function best when focused on one person. When a monogamous person is attracted to someone else, the focus on the previous person fades out. If you’re monogamous, you cannot manage splitting your focus.
Continuing the analogy: Windows NT (and 2000, XP, 7, etc.) changed everything. While being open and clear that multiple programs were running, it could keep separate whatever needed to be separate, and allocate resources precisely. That’s like the mental structure of someone who’s polyamorous.
It simply means that this mental capability exists. You could, of course, be polyamorous honestly or you could be secretive about it. I prefer the former. With openness and understanding, I have at close range seen polyamorous relationships work well over many years while being mutually enriching to every person involved.
Being polyamorous doesn’t mean being promiscuous, unsafe or having multiple simultaneous sex partners or keeping people in the dark. It also doesn’t mean that romantic partners of a polyamorous person must be polyamorous.
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If you have an inkling that maybe you’re really a gay or bi guy, of course I’m OK with that (and I hope you are) but I’m not the gateway drug that people think t-girls tend to be for guys as such. Basically, I’m not a good choice for any guy, except as friends.
Some of the most repressed people I wanna go rescue from their self-made prison cells are secretly-lesbian girls, perhaps not even open to that for themselves.
We pick up on what society expects of us — so well that even when we grew up in an open-minded household, we might still have gotten the vibe that for us coming out as a lesbian would be OK but a little much — hence actually not OK.
Me, I’m blatantly open — and it works well for me.
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There’s much more to me, but … the above is a good start.
If any of the above resonates with you, feel free to contact me. Leave a comment here, or find me on Twitter and say hello. You can stay as anonymous as you like.