[With minor edits, here’s something I posted today in a forum on legal sex work, after some people said nice things about trans girls.]
Thank you both for the kind words.
To add to that, I’m sensitive that the appearance of a trans girl is something that some guys feel uncomfortable about, so here are some kind words aimed in sincere empathy to those who feel weirded out by girls like me. You can’t help how you feel. So, let’s talk about it, albeit nicely.
Sometimes it’s as simple as people liking simplicity and binary things — black or white, male or female. Fundamentally, I’m female so if you like things being binary, yay that I’m 100% female where it matters, my brain structure.
But even so, I can understand that it’s probably strange to see a person like me, with nice legs, nice boobs, long pretty hair, and yet a jawline like Rambo. It’s sort of like seeing an Chevy V8 in an XJ6 Jaguar. Wait, what? “That doesn’t belong there!” — or more precisely: “that’s not a combination that I am accustomed to seeing.” It’s disconcerting. I can understand that.
How you feel, when you see me living with integrity — that is your problem, not mine — but even so, it IS a problem so let’s talk about it, and I’m OK with going first. Ideally, I’d like us all to be open-minded, get along and sing kumbaya, and ultimately that’s the ideal I wish for the human race, but until that happens, here I am mapping out a nice, clean path through the emotional mine-field, in the interim.
Trans girls are not everyone’s cup of tea. Heck, we’re not even my own cup of tea. I have several hot trans girl friends, at least one of whom would be only too happy to go to bed with me, and yet my personal sexual & romantic preference is not for trans girls. Most of my former girlfriends were tall, slender cisgirl blondes or short, curvy cisgirl brunettes. The girlfriend I’ve had for the last 5+ years, and still have, is a short, curvy cisgirl brunette. I think androgynous people are intriguing in a cool way, but I have yet to have a trans girlfriend, and perhaps I never will.
Then again, I also don’t eat oysters or go skydiving, but I understand that sometimes, perfectly rational people might choose to do those things and so be it. As long as it’s consensual, to each his (or her) own … and I’m glad there are those who do like trans girls as such. As to those who have strong feelings about trans girls: pro or con or conflicted, I sincerely sympathize. To elaborate:
I grew up in a very macho country: South Africa. With — at the time — its white-racist codified laws and hints-of-Nazism affinities it basically made the American South look like San Francisco by comparison. Ironically I actively tried to fit into South African macho guy culture so I studied it well, and I’m sensitive to how in macho culture (South African or US) it’s anathema to a macho guy to show an interest in a trans girl, with his buddies being aware of this.
It’s stark how that so-very-important “careful what you say or do, or the other guys will think you’re a sissy” mandate from male childhood carries on into male adulthood and drives much of guys’ social agendas. That includes doing macho stuff and avoiding stuff that’s considered not-macho — such as being intrigued with “outie” plumbing.
In my experience, a great many guys are intrigued by trans girls and our “outie” plumbing. Oftentimes when I was doing independent escorting work, it was only after much hand-wringing that someone would finally book time with me and then he might need to go smoke several cigarettes or have several glasses of wine to work up the courage to meet me — even stare-death-in-face-and-don’t-blink seriously brave guys in law enforcement or the military. One guy literally was a professional killer (as in, he’d done wet work for a three-letter-acronym US agency) and he loved being with me but the social implications were very hard for him to deal with.
Whatever you’re into, you’re into — and denying it or feeling guilty about it just messes with your head more. I am saying to leave Fido, Kiddo and violence out of the bedroom — but beyond that, the best way to get rid of an obsession might well be to give into it and then you can get on with the rest of your life.
If you’re attracted to trans girls, there are many reasons beyond “outie” plumbing to like girls like me (typically we are more tall, leggy, muscular, etc., and we understand guys better than most girls do, and we embrace femininity and sexuality as if we’re making up for lost time because hey, we are) but even if your interest is in her “outie” plumbing then so be it. Does choosing her make you gay? No, it doesn’t make you gay.
If you were gay you wouldn’t be focused on a girl like me, with smooth skin and nice boobs. You’d be hitting on a guy instead. For example, if you’re a guy and you choose to have sex with a big, hairy, barrel-chested guy whose neck is as thick as a tree trunk, and he’s got a bald head and facial hair like sandpaper, and a deep voice and gruff attitude, and he makes you swoon and you think he’s so hot and OMG you’re falling in love with him … then yeah, you’re probably gay. By contrast, if you seek out an “out” trans girl like me, who’s so fundamentally feminine that her femininity overcame decades’ worth of almost everyone telling her “you’re a guy” … someone who rose to say “no, I’m not, and I insist on living as the girl I am even if it means I have to risk dealing with poverty, violence and social ostracism” … someone who actively embraces and rejoices in her femininity … if you’re a guy and you choose me then whatever else you are, you’re not gay.
Not that there’s anything wrong with being a gay guy, but it might be useful to be clear that a guy being hot for a trans girl doesn’t make the guy gay. Even being intrigued by cock doesn’t make a guy gay. Most likely it makes him normal. Both from inside-guy-culture perspective and after I came out as a trans girl, when guys finally confessed to me, I learned how many guys are intrigued by cock. Surprise! It’s a very large portion of the guy population.
So, I sympathize as to the strong emotions I trigger in some guys, and I hope this post helps you eventually feel better about me — and more importantly, about yourself.
I’d prefer that your sexuality brings you joy and ecstasy, not guilt and torment.