Cerebral shy girls tend to consider the glass to be half empty as opposed to half full, when it comes to our self-image and social interaction.
We tend to be very self-aware, which in our case means: acutely aware of every flaw we have. The awareness amplifies it, so even if many people are falling all over themselves to tell a cerebral shy girl that she looks great, it typically goes into the “that’s nice and I’m smiling but I don’t agree” file.
For example, someone wonderful has repeatedly assured me that my legs look nice and my idea of being extra open with her was to not quietly reject her opinion but to reject it by arguing back that my thighs are too muscular, my feet are too big, and I don’t like my knees.
The general populace might be surprised how many of us cerebral shy girls are brilliant and attractive individuals, on pure merit — yet we consider ourselves to be unappetizing, perhaps even broken and unfit for human interaction, socially and/or sexually.
Our hair, face, boobs, tummy, butt and legs are all candidates for self-criticism, and so is how we move. As to “how we move” — as a trans girl, I needed to unlearn trying to walk like the guy I was pretending to be and learn how to walk like the girl I am. My bone structure was not all that helpful in this endeavor, since I went through puberty with male hormones, darn it. Walking as the girl I am has been an awkward learning process, for me. Until recently, I have been very self-conscious about my gait. Walking is so basic a human activity that this helped worsen whatever social anxiety I had. I’m sort of extra-weird as cerebral shy girls go, being a trans girl and all, but probably I’m not the only cerebral shy girl unable to sashay along in a way where she gives herself a warm glow of confidence.
Then, there’s the problem of talking. Cerebral shy girls’ observations might well be the best ones in the entire conversation, but her problem is: finding a gap in the traffic. By the time that a cerebral shy girl has her polished gem of intellectual contribution ready to merge into the conversation, the opportunity might well have passed. Sometimes, the sufficiently polished words aren’t even ready for delivery until the conversation or the entire gathering has ended. The German word “Treppenwoerter” translates to “step words.” They refer to the brilliant conversational contributions that occur to cerebral folks belatedly, when walking down the steps where a meeting was held (key point: was, as in, now it’s over and it’s too late).
Scars, stretch marks and unusual proportions are other aspects about which the cerebral shy girl might be painfully self-conscious yet even if she were to point the “flaw” out to someone else, the person might well have to squint and really focus to even see what the issue is. Often when a partner accepts the “flaw” of the cerebral shy girl, that’s a fast track to her heart (romantically speaking).
Sexuality might be something we crave as cerebral shy girls, perhaps more than most. Possible reasons:
a) Inherently since we ARE so intense
b) Because (being shy) we tend to be under quota as to the sexuality we’d like to get vs. how much we’re actually getting.
By “sexuality” I’m not limiting the concept to mechanical sex; kissing the right person can be vastly hotter than an entire evening of being humped by a dolt.
Another problem: wanting to be sexual doesn’t mean we’re savvy as to how to socially break the ice. Go buy and watch the 1987 “Allnighter” movie for a good example of a high-quality cerebral shy girl brimming with sexuality and yet unsure of how to proceed.
To sum it up: all of these concerns together makes for a girl eager for sexuality but she feels awkward about how she looks, moves and/or converses plus she might not know how to proceed socially and/or sexually.
Let’s take a quick detour to the world of formal etiquette. Much of the protocol is actually intended to make life easier.
Remember the “which fork do I use” scene in the movie “Pretty Woman?” Really, the process is typically as simple as “start on the outside and work your way inwards.”
Another example: putting your fork and knife (yes, knife) together tells the waiter “it’s OK to remove my plate now” whereas leaving them crossed conveys “not yet.” It all makes sense, and it makes things easier.
For this reason, a good Dominatrix will teach her protege about BDSM protocol, and then the latter will feel her stress level plummet. Many BDSM rules fit so well as to making things easier for cerebral shy girls that it’s almost like they were designed for that.
Reducing Stress, Making Things Nicer Visually
For starters, a good Dominatrix would have a very clear picture of the aspects about which her protege feels awkward.
Having been much exposed to male culture, I’m well aware that the classic male-culture approach to the concerns of a cerebral shy girl is to be dismissive thereof or to argue with her about them — or to say things that make her feel ridiculous about being self-conscious. That’s a horrible approach.
With gentle and open dialog, the Dominatrix would be aware of the parts of her physique that her protege feels awkward about.
If it’s her tummy, the Dominatrix might dress up her protege in a lovely corset so that the girl’s tummy is pulled in and invisible — while making very sure it’s not too tight, and monitoring her protege throughout the event to make sure she’s OK.
If, as I was until Mother Nature belatedly made my boobs grow, she is self-conscious about being less curvy than she wants to be, chest-wise, then sports bras and bra stuffers can do wonders. It might be fun for the protege to feel, for once, what it is like to have every male in the room not look her in the eyes.
If she’s short and she wants to experience being tall, 6″ stilettos can do wonders as such. Suddenly the 5’1″ girl is 5’7″ … a very different look.
If she doesn’t have much of a butt, she might wear a mini-skirt that flares out.
The Dominatrix would also be aware of what the girl considers to be her strengths. If she has shapely legs, she might wear some variation of fishnet or more-elegant stockings to show them off. If she has a cute butt, she might wear just a thong or tight-fitting clothing thereabouts.
Good packaging is a large part of product presentation, and socially the Dominatrix is enabling her protege to feel as sexy as she possibly can. The focus is on how the protege feels about things. For example, even if she has a cute butt but she doesn’t think so, then the scene gets planned on the premise that she doesn’t have a cute butt. Boosting her self-confidence as to her butt might be a good agenda item for the future, but not by showcasing something she doesn’t like about herself.
Reducing Stress, Making Things Nicer Behaviorally
Cerebral shy girls tend to fidget, slouch, flash brilliant smiles while feeling nervous, and wonder with whom to make eye contact, and then wonder what to do if someone looks at her or says something — or she feels that she needs to say something and might not know what to say.
Good BDSM protocol to the rescue … a good Dominatrix might task her protege with holding a riding crop between her teeth, and holding another riding crop above her head with both hands, and looking up (which also shows off her eyes in the light, very nicely).
In this example, the protocol solves problems:
- Fidgeting becomes impossible
- Posture is managed well
- The girl can’t smile in her typical way
- She can’t make eye contact with anyone nor see who’s looking at her
- She can’t speak with anyone.
Even though she’s in an ostensibly more awkward situation, psychologically she’s not: Suddenly many of her social anxiety problems have vanished.
The stereotypical superficial BDSM image is where someone puts a collar and leash on the girl and yanks her around. I personally don’t like doing that.
In the example above, I’d rather walk next to my protege, my palm in the small of her back, guiding her as to where to walk and at what pace, and continually updating her as to admiring looks that she’s getting.
Another benefit of this: if she doesn’t think she moves sexily, things get slowed down so much that she can focus on putting one foot in front of the other at a pace where she feels in control, not overwhelmed. She can focus on walking elegantly, if that’s what she wants to do.
Cerebral shy girls tend to value emotional closeness and physical contact, so a Dominatrix who stays in constant contact with her protege would make for a much nicer event.
The safety and well-being of her protege must be the main focus of the Dominatrix, so when there are any stairs to be navigated, the protege can stay in protocol but the process of walking must be slowed down even more, to where she can feel out, and take, each step ultra-slowly and safely.
The Dominatrix should at that point be right next to her protege with her arm so firmly around the girl’s waist, ready to hold her up, that a misstep will have zero impact on the girl’s safety and even about her feeling like it was a social faux pas.
Assuming the Dominatrix and her protege arrive at a play area where they’ll spend some time, it might be awkward for the girl to continue looking up especially if the girl won’t be standing all the time, so blindfolding helps alleviate much social anxiety too. Again: protocol is useful.
In good BDSM protocol, bystanders don’t talk to my protege. If they violate the rules and talk to her directly, she’s instructed to ignore them, plus I’ll correct them.
They only get to talk to me about her, including complimenting her. This can have good side benefits: for one of my proteges, the hottest part of a scene was being spoken about as objectified sexually, instead of being spoken to.
This blog is supposed to be bland, so I’ll leave it to the imagination of the reader to develop the concept of how a well-structured dynamic can continue into sexually themed activities where the protege is always clear on what do to next and never feels put “on the spot.”
That said, one of the worst things you can do to a cerebral shy girl is to bore her, so a good Dominatrix needs to pace things so that they are neither too fast nor too slow.
By now we’ve probably all heard awkward stories of brides who try on new makeup or hairdos or shoes on their wedding day, and instead of things being extra special they often end up being awkward.
For similar reasons, it’s good if the Dominatrix and her protege practice the relevant aspects long before a formal BDSM event, almost like a band would rehearse to be ready for a concert.
That includes walking on the actual shoes to be worn, holding a riding crop in her teeth (people do drool), wearing a corset, and so on.
This article is for the beginner level. Sometimes a protege might crave the structure being optimized very differently. Example: if she is self-conscious about something (such as her boobs) she might actually find it cathartic to be shown off topless, for once. Some girls even relish their “flaws” being pointed out for once, such as by holding a sign that draws attention to the “flaw. ”
Other girls might find it hot to be disempowered by having her hands tied (which is best NOT done while she’s walking, especially down stairs or on stilettos).
Other girls might find it hot to be publicly humiliated such as by holding a riding crop between her teeth for so long that she starts to drool (and it’s good to plan what she’ll be drooling on).
My point is that BDSM can be lightweight and enjoyable at a simple level or it can go deeper and deeper into the girl’s sexual psyche for, quite possibly, the most intense experiences of her life.
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